How do you handle your mother-in-law after you heard her talking badly about you in the next room?

When Susan got back with her annoying sister Karen I heard Marie quietly say to Susan: “Sean didn’t get up until 9 am!”

Talk about me to Susan behind my back all you like, it will change nothing about my marriage and I know how badly you want that thumb of yours on BOTH your daughters, but you’ll have to settle for only being able to control that fucking annoying sponge Karen, Susan is off the table.”

But if she WERE, I could slice and dice her pretty thoroughly with this set of remarks:

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You’ve been pampered and spoiled your entire life, never once had to worry about money. I was on my own at the age of 19, beholden to none, building my own life and future. I didn’t have a rich mother like you to cater to my every need and whim.

“You wouldn’t know anything about dedication to your job or putting in late hours since you never worked a real day in your life.

I’m sure you have ALWAYS been very well rested, Marie, since you have absolutely no obligations nor responsibilities in life, no duties other than handing money to your annoying daughter Karen and trying to convince Susan to believe bad things about me since that’s your idea of ‘control’ and frankly it’s almost as pathetic and unnecessary as your sad little existence.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

I ignored Marie’s remark completely. She isn’t of enough concern to me to get offended by.

So I’m not going to say Marie does NOTHING for us, but it’s noticeable what she DOES do often overlaps with her own agenda. She helps cook because Marie needs to eat too, and she lets the dog out since she doesn’t like animals and figures that gets him out in the yard out of her hair.

She has 3M in the bank which she inherited, but she never stays in hotels (unless she has no choice) because she is stingy and always ends up complaining someone walked past her hotel room late at night as she is a light sleeper.

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Oh, good for you, you were a kindergarten teacher, that’s great, you never were up until 3 am grading drawings or putting together class curriculums. You always had a husband to bring home the bacon for you so you could take it easy over those long summers and relax by the pool.

So she stays at our house where she can complain one of us walked past her room late at night. Too fucking bad.

Marie is convinced I am an alcoholic since I always drink around her, I wonder why. So she’s always trying to pull some angle to Susan like “Gee, your husband might need some help with his drinking problem!” Her goal here was to make herself feel superior because she does not drink.

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A couple of weeks ago my annoying mother-in-law Marie was staying at our house.

So Marie is the most two-faced person I know, always putting on a pleasant face to me, calling me “honey” and praising my dedication to my family and job.

I allow it because - I WILL give credit where due - she does help my wife Susan with the cooking and cleanup. And she goes to bed at 7 pm then is up at 5 am and she at least lets our dog out to relieve himself.

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Then the moment I leave the room the criticism to Susan starts up.

Susan got up at oh-dark-hundred one day to ride up to a neighboring state and pick up her annoying sister Karen then bring her back to our house.

Susan: “Yes, mother, Sean’s an IT guy and he keeps late hours sometimes. He works from home full time so he’s always on duty, goes with the territory.”

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I have sleep apnea and I’m an IT guy so I had been engaged in some late night work the evening beforehand, and didn’t make it to bed until 3 am then slept fitfully and got up at 9 am.

God love Susan.